Break Ups

So tonight, Jose and I broke up. But what seemed to be a surprise to me, in reality really wasnt'. I think that this time around I have looked for the signs that were coming my way, and was able to prepare myself for this converstaion. I think that God totally opened my eyes and showed me it was coming. As much as it has not hit me totally yet, God has something else planned for my life. I like being sinlge and love going out with friends, or even doing just a girls night. and I know that it will all come to an end sometime, but not sure if I am ready to give it all up quite yet. All I know and what I'm hanging on to is that the fact that God is STILL and will always be in control. He knows what tomorrow holds before i do. I putting my trust in that. So as I close this post and go to bed, I will be thankful once again for this amazing chance to be single and to praise God in the midst of it.

angie

Father to the Fatherless

Father to the Fatherless... that is what God calls himself, along with a book full of names. But the reason I am focusing on the fatherless is for a reason.

I lost my real dad when i was younger, I have always wondered about him. What did he look like, sound like, smell like. Was he tall ( couldn't be- just look at me), did he have a deep voice... and on and on. But the one thing that I will never know is, how good or bad of a father he would of been. God took him from me when i was younger- but in return gave me amazing dad now. God feels the void that I sometimes feel. I sit and look at the rest of my siblings. I see how they all look a like, they sound alike and have the same featurs. I am the black sheep of the family. That is what God wanted for my life. At the same time, this amazing Father, knew everything about me. He knew that sometimes, when I can't go to anyone else I would run to him tohelp deal with this small pain.

It is hard, cause there really is no one who can relate to how I feel sometimes. Most of my friends still have the original partents. I know that in God, He will never leave me nor forsake me. He will never die, He will always be the father to the fatherless. And I guess what I struggle with more then anything is the physical part of having a dad. THe physical part of looks, sounds, smells. Would he be proud of me for graduating college? Would he have been remarried-and if so, would that mean i would have even more step siblings? Like I said, I am so thankful that my Heavenly Father provided me an earthly step-father... who loves me enough to have adopted me when was younger. And to have an heavenly Father love me, more then anything. He loves me so much that He sent His Only Son to die for me. That is how much I am loved by my Heavenly Father.

I know most of the people can't relate to this, and that is ok. But just know that our Heavenly Father is the Only person who will not die, and who will love us for who we are. He created us, He knows us better then we know our selves. I can't wait to go see my Heavenly Father

Just Rambling

I really don't have much to say, but i figured that I should write something. And seeing that i had to re-read my last blog just to remember what I wrote, must either be a sign of old age( which I doubt) or a sign that I just have to much going on.- which, is most likely the case.

But just sitting and looking at this past month, I have been busy. I'm surprised I still have friends. But very thankful that this month is almost over with. It has been a month of 2 grad. parties tha I had to plan and some where I managed to be in a wedding.The wedding was great, (for more on that see my last blog).

Graduations, there is something that follows its. No one tells you about it, until you are there. This feeling that you are now an adult. WELCOME TO THE WORLD, they say. What world? where did it come from? Do I have to really be an adult? Can i just not be one and think that I'm still in school? For almost my whole life, I have been in school. Doing the school thang- and now taht I'm done wtih it. What is next? No more of this working part time, cause I have class today. No more of this using school, or homework to get out of working for that day. The whole adult thang, not sure if I am ready for it. But at the same time, I feel like I have always been an adult. I feel like I have always had responsibilites to attend to. I can't remember the last time, I didn't work, or that age when I started to work. The samething is for school. I can't remember my life with out school. This feeling that I will never go back to school, is odd. But it is good.

God has grown me so much since then, and has really open my eyes to see His plan in my life. It is one of those " you don't know what he is doing, until He has done it". For me, there was a reason he placed Pastry school on my heart. He wanted me to do it, and I have been enjoying it ever since. And like, waiting to say yes to a boy who asked you out a couple of times. Cause "I was in school" and as much as that is ture, I feel like it wasn't God's timing for me as well, But using school was an easy out for me. But even with that, God has blessed it so much. He provide the amazing guy at the right time, and the relationship has been on the right track ever since. As long as we keep God in the middle it should be ok.

Now, that I have completly lost my train of thought, and my train of this blog- or what to write next. I am going to end and go read a book- or maybe just a chapter in it. for i'm not a big reader and for me to read this is big. so good- bye and good- night,

Can't Sleep

Well, I can sleep if I went to bed right now. But the truth is i just got back from my best friends wedding, and Im still wearing the bridesmaid dress, and I kind of don't want to get out of it. It really is a girl thing. But the wedding was wonderful and she is married and I can't believe that we have been best friends for 10 years and she is married, it is crazy, but nevertheless, I am so excited for her. But with all this marriage talk and it being on my mind for the past week... has made me think about my life and kind examine it.

Ok, so maybe not examine it, but think about it. And God has open my eyes to something. My whole life I have grown up knowning that the guy that I would one day date would have to ask my dad first. And i have always struggled with this. I always looked at it, as more of an interview process for me. And never really liked it. But God has really showed me how selfish i was being and how this is not just because I'm an elders kid. But because it is a Godly thing todo. So Godly as a matter of fact that Joshua Harris talks about in his book Boy meets Girl. That was what first got me thinking about this. then one of my old time friends said that her boyfriend asked her dad to date her. So now, that my butt has been kicked hard on this topic. I understand more clearly that is the right and Godly thing to do. Not because I'm an Elders kid.. It is amazing what God will use to open your eyes to something. And once He does, you see it better and understand it clearier then you did before.

Graduations...

Graduations are always a bittersweet moment for the graduate. But for me, it is more of a time of reflection (which seems to be happing a lot lately).

My brother is graduating from Highschool, it seems so odd for me to think of him no longer in highschool. Or even more odd for me to think back to when i was graduating from highschool. To think of all the emotions that i had, the excitment, the tears, the laughters, just everything. But while i'm thinking about my past, and thinking about my brother I can't but look up toward the heavens in aww and wonder. My brother and I are so different, in everything. It just points back to the majesty of God. I thank God that he made us different, to see how Steven interest are not always what i may find fun. and the same for him. But neverless, I love him so much and am so proud to be his sister.

It seems lately the questions on everyones mind is what does my 5 year plan look like. Truthfully, I really don't know. God keeps changing it. When i first started school, I wanted to open my open bakery. But God has changed my mind on that one. And He keeps redirecting my paths. and they always seem to lead back to me falling on my face in aww and wonder of God. He is amazing. i took the job i am at now, to satisfy my school intership program. But had wanted to stay there for long term. But God has changed that, I got a job working at the Church. I will be working in the commons once it opens. I am very excited about this new change in my life. It will be better paid and I get to put my servant heart to use in serving the people of East Valley Bible Church. I am excited to see where God takes me in the next year. To look back to see how much I have grown, and to see how much God has changed my life, and my 5 year plans again.

Oh BOY

For the past 9 months told myself, i will not date. And I didn't. i was going to school and didn't want the distraction of having a boyfriend. Not to say, that durning that time, I have been asked out by a couple different guys and have been almost set up by someone in my class. After saying no to everyone, and really finding out what I want in a guy, God has shown me him.

Yes, that is right. He does exist. This guy has shown interest in me back in Feb. but I said no, cause of school. but that didn't seem to stop him from liking me. He has been very patient with me in getting done with school- God has really opened my eyes to really see him for who this guy really is. He is amazing guy, very godly, and very fun to be around.... the list goes on but for the sake of borning you with details i will keep it short.

As of right now, we are just friends who are taking it slow. (which in my case, is not an easy thing to do... but I want to take it slow. For I really don't want to mess anything up with this guy.

This is all i have for right now, but I will write more if there is more to come... stay tuned

I'm Over My Head....

I'm over my head with wonder and aww of God. In the way He has been growing some of the guys.

For the past 9 months, I have been in school and kind of away from everyone. I really haven't had much time to hang out with a lot of people. I have a core group that i hang out with. But that was really it. I just finished school and now my nights are free. and God has already began to open my eyes to His Work. I have been able to spen a little time with some amazing guys, and been blessed to see their Godliness shine through and too see that God is raising up and prepairing men to do His work. Prais God, I can't wait to see what else he has plan for not only these few men, but also for the lives of those around me, and those that I don't even know about.